Thursday, April 15, 2021

Star Wars Movies Ranked from Best to Worst


Well, it would be tax day, but the IRS moved it.

Anyway, the other day I decided to make a list of the best to worst Star Wars movies. This is based 100% on my opinion/memories (I've only seen the prequels once each and the J.J. Abrams abominations once each). And I'm not including ancillary movies such as Rogue One. But there's the list from best to worst:

Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back (originally, The Empire Strikes Back; 1980)

This movie is the best because it is intense, dark, and ends with a cliffhanger. The "updated" version detracts little from it's intensity. From the stop-motion imperial walkers to the final fight between Luke and Vader, it keeps you on the edge of your seat. Oh, and don't forget the asteroid field chase between the Millennium Falcon and the TIE fighters. Amazing for 1980s special effects technology.

Star Wars IV: A New Hope (originally, Star Wars; 1977)

The first Star Wars movie. And at the time it was like nothing we'd ever seen. It was fun! Science fiction of the seventies tended to be boring and/or depressing. This is the Star Wars movie I've seen the most. I remember back in 1977 people saying the special effects were better than 2001: A Space Odyssey. And we were amazed when we saw 2001. It only loses to Empire because of the second movie's intensity.

Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi (originally, Return of the Jedi; 1983) 

In some way this movie is brilliant (the speeder bikes through the forest). But the Ewoks defeating stormtroopers? No way. It has its funny moments and its amazing special effects (especially before CGI). But Lucas had enough money to do what he wanted, and what he wanted wasn't as tight nor intense as the previous two movies.

Star Wars III: Revenge the Sith (2005)

As I said, I've only seen this once. I remember it being better than the other prequels with less politics and more adventure.

Star Wars IX: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

The best of the J.J. Abrams movies (Which is sort of like saying "The best McDonalds in town). It had some of the fun of the original trilogy and no outright stupidity (see Star Wars VIII).

Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens (2015)

 It echoed Star Wars IV too much and Rey was a completely unbelievable character. If she were a man, people would have noticed that instead of oohing and ahhing at her being a strong female character. 

 Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

I barely remember this movie but I remember that it was better than the first one. All I remember is Anakin and Padme tied to some posts in an arena.

Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

Pod racing and a kid who was conceived without sex (where have I heard that before?). This movie was a train wreck from start to finish. Still, wasn't as bad as...

Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi (2018)

They bomb a ship in space. Bombs, falling down on a ship in space. Then Laura Dern (who I like as an actress) plays a female general with purple hair who is oh-so-perfect. Oh, and Leia is apparently able to survive in vacuum and even move in space. Yeah. This move was so bad, I didn't go see Star Wars IX in the theater but waited until it came out on Blu-Ray. 

So, do you agree with my list? Are they in the correct order? Let me know in the comments below. 

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